Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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