I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
