but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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