after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
