I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
