My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
