Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
