I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
