Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
