Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
