We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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