You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
