Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
