My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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