something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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