It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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