Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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