i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
