Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
