fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My liver just had a heart attack.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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