AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
