You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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