btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
