my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just gargled with NyQuil
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
