i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
