if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
