my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
