I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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