i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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