She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
