Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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