this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
