Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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