Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
