I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
