someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
