It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
