I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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