he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
