im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
