So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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