My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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