he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
