No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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