do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
