He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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