Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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