Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
