omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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