oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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