Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
