So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
